phillip dumped me today




he is single
i am alone

nothing i can say
no chance you'll understand

no
reason
to

i am eating really amazing dark chocolate at the moment and it is heavenly.
i am listening to itzhak perlman playin me some violin
i am sore from practicing
i am in pajamas even though i don't wear pajamas to sleep
       [i just wear them during the day?]
i have chocolate breath

i had an almond butter & pomegranate jelly sandwich today. it was kinda fancy.

yesterday a phonecall from phillip woke me up from a dream
so i remembered the recent parts vividly
and i told phillip because i didn't want to forget
so i can share now with you

      my makeup bag fell on the grass with a bunch of cars parked around
      and i saw my brushes under a wheel, so i lifted the car up (!) and asked some           little kids to get them for me
      but they didn't.
      so then i asked a kangaroo to get them for me
      but she didn't.
      she just looked at it and hopped away
      but i looked at the ground and realized her little baby fell out of her pouch!
      so i picked up her kangaroo baby and went after her
      --wait! you left your baby!--
      but i couldn't find her and as i looked around i realized
      there were lots of kangaroos and we were lost

now

what am i going to do?

hello.
this is awkward because i don't know who this is for.
not livejournal. not myself. and not even anyones in particular. but i know someone will read it.
i just dont know who.
but anyway.
for you--
who used to hear but have not heard recently))

i have two majors now. music and dietetics. that means i'm gonna be a hip artsy nutritionist lady when i grow up.
i'm vegan.
i have a boyfriend and his name is phillip and he is awesome and i love him.
i'm happy. i'm okay. i hadn't been so in a long time. i'm very thankful.
i work at beef o brady's, and yeah, that's weird.
i like being in tallahassee. i hated it my first year, remember? but there are so many little secret places to find, and each time i find one it makes me look forward to the next and the next and the next.
phillip lives in melbourne. he's moving up here in january. i'm giddy thinking about all the time we'll have to find secret places together!

what else?
not many things;
my life is simple
now
and
i am content

what the fuck happened to my art?
where have my values run off to?
who is this?

that feeling you get when you press a brand new crayon to the paper;
is it a good or a bad one?

so ryan was driving my car today around tallahassee and we got into an accident.
yay.
we're okay though.
it had just started raining like fifteen minutes ago or something. we were going downhill, he was getting into a left turn lane (going maybe 15 mph), he hit the brakes and my car didn't quite slow down... then he really hit the brakes and my car still didn't slow down. so we watched my car in shock as it stubbornly smashed into the little white car in front of us. then we said "crap, dang, that sucks, i'm sorry, etc." and talked to the girl whose car we hit and she was totally cool about it. nothing really happened to her car. just a bit of my purple paint on her back bumper.

but. my car is kind of sad looking.

the end.

here's my nose.
actually. one half of my face. eye freckles included, look closely.

news:
i (think i) am going to get my nose pierced.
we rescued a tiny kitten from a parking lot near a big noisy road. she was wild! she must be about six weeks old. she didn't want to come near us. she was super scared of everything. as soon as you looked at her she'd run. but i have my ways. i captured her! gently of course.
so we made friends with her very quickly, gave her a bath, squished her fleas, and uh, fell in love with her. and pampered her a lot.
i want to keep her.
the end.

hey peeps.
i bought some gargantuan massive sunglasses today. they make me laugh. it feels good to see something funny every time you look at yourself. it's nice to laugh.

i work at wild oats. the natural health food store. in case anyone didn't know. i'm there pretty much all the time. come visit me. i'm in the natural living corner. with the vitamins.

i'm thinking about not shaving my armpits anymore. now all i need is guts.

i want to have a bathing suit. a real bathing suit. not a bra with a stretchy spandexy tank top on top. that would be nice.
ah, my imagination.

i'm changing my major. fsu sucks. i'd like to be somewhere else but that isn't going to happen. i am going to get a minor in music. and i will major in dietetics. and i will tell you that eating ________ is bad for you snd broccoli is good.

i don't go to church anymore.
there is more to say about this than i can let out right now as i'm falling asleep and banging on my laptop keyboard.
but. i don't know. things are different.
i'm so upset with christianity. and church.
god doesn't live in our boxes.

life. that's where it's at. god is all over the place.
he's freaking oozing and exploding out of every atom in his universe, and you, PEOPLE, think you know what's good for me? you think you know what god wants? you think you know where god is and who he favours and how he wants me to behave and what he wants me to eat?
and what if i say to you "that sucks"? then am i unfaithful?
no! bloody no! i am free.
isn't that beautiful?
i can make choices.
i can see.
i am free to not eat meat. because i was free to see that what it meant to eat meat in jesus-time is really not what it's like to eat meat now. right here in the usa. (if you don't know, please look it up. factory farming. read a little. and then tell me that is not completely dishonoring to god's creation. his animals and his earth.)

do these not go hand in hand? doesn't having a love for god (if you believe him to be the creator) mean also having a love for his creation? if you thought "yes, of course," and his people came to mind, tell me why it should stop there! i believe (freely, hoo-haa) that we are called to protect this earth. and respect these animals. and love on these people. and to keep our bodies and our minds healthy.
and if are snarkily saying to yourself, "well, i believe we're free to eat whatever the heck we want. i love hamburgers. what then, jaime."
then maybe you have much more faith than me. maybe you believe that god will magically preserve the earth for our grandchildren as we trash it. and maybe you know that god doesn't really mind that we manufacture animals in absolutely inhumane conditions with all sorts of unhealthy chemicals and processes that have serious, serious side effects on the health of our bodies, our earth, and our future. maybe you think he's just going to keep sending out animals for us to abuse. you know. a god-sized conveyor belt. full of brand-new everythings we've crapped on and tossed aside.

yeah. faith. that must be nice.




well.
in other news,
i like ryan. he's nice. he visits me at work. sometimes.
i like it.

byebye.

ryan and i are cool
and our halloween plans are cooler
ryan=john lennon
me=yoko ono

it's freaking perfect!
cuz, you know,
ryan's a hairy one.
and i'm japanese.
and we're both hippies.

sara eng(i don't know how to spell this part) painted this. it's meeeeeee!

dear female friends:
(specifically those of you who menstruate.
 and more specifically those of you who don't really like it.)
i must tell you about this amazing thing because:
1) it is awesome
2) it is reusable (no more tampon/pad stashes and what have you. don't have to worry about crappy absorbencies and leaking or whatever...you'll only ever need one little cup to take with you. AND it won't clutter up the environment like tampons and pads! that is coolness in my book.)
3) it is way most cost-effective than any disposable thingies! $32 for 10 years of bleeding. that is bloody (hah!) good according to me.
4) it actually works. doesn't leak at all. it catches evvvverything.
5) it's way good to your body. disposable products have icky chemicals. y'know. tampons suck up your natural girly juices and leave little chemically-fibers in exchange. how eeeevil!
6) you only have to empty it every 12 hours. THAT IS COOL.
7) you can't tell it's in from the outside--there is no crappy string hanging out. so you can wear an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka-dot bikini and not worry about it. hah.
8) you can tell all your friends about it. and then everyone you know will have a much more pleasant life. :)

here's the link again in case you were too scared to click it before!
divacup

and here (lunapads) are the cutest things ever, for you girlies who like pads. these are washable. and adorable. :D

seriously, consider them. i'm pretty sure the menstrual cup is god-inspired. ;)
<br

my stitches are itches.
and
i haven't showered
since
tuesdaynight!

ahahahahhaha!

tell everyone you know to bid on my flat iron!

i like   how i have one-hundred  dollars in parking citations because the stupid people failed to deliver my parking pass to me
and i like  how    my piano teacher hates me and tells me every week i'm "behind" and at yesterday's lesson (after an exhausting week of sickness and nongood practicing)   he said  "you're not going to pass this semester"
and i like how these "christian" ministries are very lame and non-god-centered
and i like how  i hate being in my room
and i like how i hate being a "college of music" student
and i like how "music" is not music but classes and lessons and grades.
and i like how everything here makes me feel ugly and worthless
and i like how it's so bloody expensive and i feel guilty for being here (i just   hate that my parents have to spend so much money on me. here. and i don't even like it.)

i don't think this is for me.
everything about this makes me feel wrong.

i don't like fsu.
     (that's the first time i've said it
      i was trying not to think it before)
and   i'm    sorry.

what a crazy week i've had!
two trips to the ER; the second a request from the hospital--
on my cell phone,    "jaime? you need to come back to the emergency room as soon as possible."
   staph infection,  meningitis ?

who     knows !

i don't for sure. and they didn't either.
but but but    they think nothing's wrong now

we'll see.
they say they'll call me tomorrow.



O,
what
an
      exciting       LIFE
i  have!
<br

i'm in TALLAHASSEE
in my dormy ormy ormy
and
my room is still clean.

tomorrow i will be moved to tallahassee!

( the long-awaited pictures <BR>of<BR>ALASKA! )

ah.
ceili rain is good for the soul
and so is jesus
and so is ryanlove.
and donnie and patty legg.
and i don't know
i'm just feeling blessed right now
feeling? forget feeling.
i am blessed. and i like to smile   because i think about it
sometimes i just want to give god a big hug
  you know?